The past

Welcome to the morning sun,
A new day starts as the year has begun,
Mystic mountains and golden dreams,
A new beginning for my life it seems.
A brand new path my choices make,
Who knows where this journey takes.
I sit and ponder as I drive the desert sky,
The sun beats down his watchful eye.
I move along to where my mother and father meet,
For now they are the council I keep.
We speak in silent prayer this day,
Remembering life in a brand new way.

I have begun my stay in a new city, on a new path with my Sky father and Earth mother.
They have carried me safe to a new land of dreams and have shown me beauty that carries my thoughts in prayers of thankfulness to be alive and awake again. For as I continue to grow within I walk with my spirit rising to the sky and learning again that I am apart of it all and even though I am a small portion to other’s lives it is with my growth I contribute to the whole. So in a spiral truth and harmony, renewal is at hand for my journey continues towards a new horizon.


It is interesting how much different the flora and fauna are in this region of the world. To me the visual effect is stunning. Right now everything is a bit cold and you can almost feel the desert landscape shiver. The light moisture of the snow a bit ago has cut down on dust and items in the air and the hardness of the Earth seems to be even harder right now.
On my way into town I stopped at Grand Canyon Caverns along Route 66 in Arizona. Besides being a tourist trap, the cavern was fascinating. I have been splunking in Missouri and have seen my share of caves, but the dryness of this cave was amazing. They said that there was a 6% humidity level that is drier than any other area in the world. It had wonderful crystal structures lining the walls. Everything in there is in perfect preservation because not even bacteria can survive in there. One thing that I really found neat was that Air managed to get into the cavern from an area nearly 45 miles away. It filtered in from the grand canyon and yet they can only go back about 200 ft and then the path is too small.

I am going to enjoy become apart of my new home as I was back in Kansas City. The language of the land will come to me, I just have to continue to listen.

Spoken words in a silent shift,
My senses rise as I lay adrift.
Daylight breaks into my heart,
Shattering a distance, worlds apart.
Whispering dawn over a mountain tune,
I say goodbye to silver moon.
The land awakes around me near,
Open heart to a pathway clear.

May the walk of today spiral into your heart with love.

Daytime moon over horizon west,
Breathless still in a stunning silhouette,
Red Rocks pop in the morning sun,
Morning drive for a day begun.
Excitement prickles,
Sensuous allure,
Visual ecstasy,
A vision so pure,
Wonderment in a heated dream,
A faceless stranger,
Love creating stream,
Mixing pleasure in the palm of your hands,
Open myself to a new found land.



Coming from worlds apart,
Assumptions we make,
Are tearing away,
The chains of my heart.
Open minds to a different view,
The chances we take,
Are shining today,
The cultural mixing stew.
I want to eat from the fruit of life,
I hunger for questions,
Sing to sky,
Knowledge unspoken,
Yet strong in a point brand new.
Who am I,
At a time when I am so confused?
The beam from a battle,
Scared from my way,
But open now to you.
I can speak my part,
In a world so lost,
Ready for a start,
I will be right here,
Never far away,
Always seeing clear,
The path of a dream,
Open arms for you,
I will shelter away the fear.




Guide my hand and open my heart,
Find within me an honest start,
Reaching out to involve my whole,
Trust my Self to discover and know.
Play with me on this spiral path,
Loving arms in a gentle bath
Radiate a peace and balance within
In which the product will heal and mend.
No worries I share and harmony I bring,
Quiet the journey I long to sing,
Work in focus, strength so clear,
A mental awareness shall come forth this year.

As I have come full circle and focus once more
I shall honor my self and remember my lessons
So that each day I come closer to opening my dreams
And guide them into clarity.




Guidance comes from deep within,
A silent voice that may elude us,
If we listen close we will hear the call,
A path to walk on today.
Questions come for all who begin,
A mixture of things to trust,
If we shall hold our beliefs at all,
Or throw them all away?
Awakening comes when the sun has risen,
A breeze with a sent of must,
If we breathe in deep we can smell time fall,
It sends us on our way.




Sometimes we lay at night
Searching for the answers,
Sometimes we wonder why
Solutions don’t have easy chances.
Lessons that we learn
Leave behind messy expanses,
Looking left and knowing right
Losing all our direction.
Find again that hunger deep inside,
Food of knowledge that heals the balances.
Falls apart if we step aside,
Forcing us to follow.
Knock on that hidden door,
Know yourself and nothing more,
Knowledge kept down deep inside,
Kneel down your walling pride.
Today we walk the guiding path,
Take tomorrow from relearning the past,
Tortured soul that is wanting life,
Tell yourself you will be alright.
May the Mother and Father bless you and keep you in balance
May you see the divine in all things
May you no longer thirst
May you feel the fullness of a loving heart




Sit out on that open field,
Send out the touch on how it feels,
Melt with passion let time fly by,
Mix of power to reach the sky,
Focus fill mind’s mental mist,
Freedom found a generous gift,
Stretch awareness and see it grow,
Sing a prayer of what you know,
Divine within can shine far and free,
Develop harmony and let yourself be.





Today the mind is strong and the body weak,
Messing with my harmony I always seek,
I ask for guidance in a peaceful mind,
I walk my path with the past behind,
My muscles ache with deepened tension,
I open myself without apprehension,
My lesson revolves so again I reach,
For questions to ask so I stop this repeat.

It seems that every six months my body decides to
Irritate the nerves in my back. Two years ago was my
Accident that changed my life forever. My death and
Rebirth opened my heart to the beat of the Mother and the
Father. My physical pain is nothing compared to the
Divine that has grown within me. I am thankful for who
I am for now and forever.






I am still filled with pain, yet I am still here,
My mind doesn’t stop; my visions are all clear,
I can live only in moments,
I can walk in my dreams,
My whisper has a powerful focus it seems.
My search will continue,
I can feel the day pass,
Knowledge of the healing,
This pain will soon pass.
My pain lights the flame of my focus right now,
The flame kills the pain and renews all my vows,
As I burn to the core and dance with new light,
I shall regain a new balance and all will be right.



My open mind and heart shall be
Ever wild to soar and fly free
Into visions the spiral dance
Mix it up and take a chance
Hunger focused the knowledge strong
Still open my self to being wrong
Who can say they are always right
The vessel impure is out of sight
Perspective view to understand
Life direction on a master plan
Spiritual focus within my Self
Understanding what I am dealt
The love I share to all I know
I give it freely and watch it grow
Unknown factors always at hand
Do my best in all I can
Living now is what I strive to know
One small pebble in life’s peep show
I do my best to do my part
Strive for the essence of dreaming art
My journey is always close by
I know I can be
I only need to try


Feeling great on this wonderful day,
The path is clear and I am on my way,
Spiritual journey I love to stay,
Smiling faces as we all play.
Together we are joined in harmony,
Two notes, a sound, and a possibility.
A tune so rich in melody,
Having fun so splendidly.
Open your voice with a loud cry,
Never a doubt or question why,
Sleep is refreshed and dreamy.
A brand new day,
Feeling the open arms of a family.

Morning sunrise greeting day,
Speak out with things to say,
Expand the mind,
Release the truth,
Begin and end,
Search and find,
Observe the view,
Ready to begin,
Moment in time,
Struggle to keep it your way,
Find out how to live and play.

Do you know a name
Of a wonderful day to play?
The plants begin to sprout,
Unions can be found.
Will you participate in the Feasting,
The Drinking,
The Loving?
Or simply Beat the Bounds?
Call it what you will or listen for a name.
It matters not if called Beltaine,
Bealtaine, Cetsamhain,
Walpurgisnacht, or Roodmas just the same.
It is seen as a Worker’s Day,
A Bel-Fire, or wonderful day in May.



Dance upon the Bel-fire,
Prance upon the Earth,
Fertility and Union,
Create a Merry-Be-Gotten Birth.
String a ring of flowers,
Leap over the fire,
Put yourself in motion,
Let the love present its worth.


Strumming and drumming,
Weaving and tying,
Drinking and feasting,
Carry on and play.
You know just what to do,
A merry day for lovers two,
Touch and feel,
A kiss to steal,
The veil has worn real thin.
Take a spirit by the hand,
Teach them a love that is so grand,
A fertile land where there is planted seed,
A touch of life to fulfill a need,
Cut another notch in the cycle that never ends.









Will these thoughts never end?
Can I ever begin again?
In the shadows of the pain,
My life just seems the same,
I am growing through the process,
I am weak with all the strain.
Who ever knows?
Is it worth all of this?
The mental strain
Will it lead to happiness?
Lonely in my mind,
Through the troubles that I find,
They are messing with my head,
I have an ego skin that I must shed.
I will listen to my dreams.
I will change reality.
I will form a recipe.
I will change into me.
I will be.



Sometimes I get lost
In the plans you have for me
You assume my way is the same
Or that it had better be
Choices that I make may not be the best
I get lazy and unmotivated
At times I could not care less
You feel me adding to your burden
You hate my added stress
You look at me like a child
Waiting for answers to confess
I am tired
The walls are closing in
I love you with all my heart
I may not always think things through
I am trying not to close down
My heart feels a deep burn
We are not alone
Yet I am pushed to the side
Criticizing my lack of strength
I often close up and hide
Please think before you speak
There is not much rope left
Each comment cut like a knife
Pulls me closer to the edge
When can I wake up?

There are dreams that I have to believe in.
I can hopefully react to what I am seeing.
Does my silence cause you many questions?
I have to say
I try to stay
Out of the way
There are people that don’t see the picture.
There are those that don’t fit in the mixture.
Do you want to just be a fixture?
It is time to play
Begin today
See it your way
Does your anger fall on deaf ears?
Are you inhibited by all of your fears?
You are tainted by all of the years.
This is the day
Open up to say
Don’t delay


Where do we go from here?
How do we see what we were meant to be?
Who have we hurt?
Are we balanced and free?
What can we do to fulfill our needs?
Take the rose by the thorn,
Rise above the lessons learned,
Hold on tight to those teaching dreams,
Things do get better by simple means,
Restart,
Impart,
Caring and sharing your creative art,
Spiritually awake,
There is no mistake.
Step from the shadows up to the plate.


Stressed out over things mundane,
A house of mirrors looking for something to blame,
When the stress of life has got you down,
Look without the tears and the frown.
Each battle we win,
We learn something within,
Our dreams can come true if we believe.
Focus is lost and so we hide.
Shadowed by time and running helpless.
Redirect the fear and open up inside.
Find the hidden truth through the bushes.
Sing a secret song,
Make a moment last so long,
Spend a little time make believing.
Whisper to the trees,
Get down on your knees,
Watch with your heart what you are seeing.
Come to center now,
Focus away from life without,
See the thread of love, it is worth revealing.

A break in my stride,
I am still moving,
A change in my pace,
I am still progressing,
No end in sight,
Enjoying the view,
Each step along the way,
Making a moment,
Turning to the inside,
How can you measure the distance it takes?


Look into the desert
Feel the coolness in my eyes
Fire burns within my breath
The sun continues to rise
Digging at the shadows
Know the roughness on the hands
No time to rest the weary feet
There is hardness to the land
I need a sweet release
So I can’t run and hide
I need to feel at peace
Somewhere deep inside
Passing by the trappers
Note the silence in the air
Instinct has run the rest away
I question why I am here
Completely new surroundings
A new home to embrace
Fulfill the truth in time of need
Become one with this place
I need to be complete
So I can move on inside
Knowing the one to be
A lifetime of surprise

The warm breeze fills my ears
Spin my head
Search for the hidden surprise
Fill the air with contemplation
Condense thought into essentials
Create one from many
Expand to receive
Caress with deep love
Hold on by letting go
Be now in awareness
Breath


The wind blows in your ears,
A presence both far and near,
Highlighting something new and weird,
Feel the pressing of all the years,
A silence to calm your deepest fears,
A love to dry your inner tears,
Stay back,
While I come apart,
Retract,
I don’t feel so smart,
I know,
That it is time to start,
Here I am now.



In your eyes the way becomes open,
In your smile the vision becomes clear,
Your heartbeat becomes a soothing rhythm,
I find happiness when you are near.
In your dreams I can find promise,
In your words a picture takes shape,
When you sit it looks like a sunset,
You complete a vision with moonlight on your face.




In this age of understanding,
We have forgotten all the past,
Expectations of our freedom,
Mix arrogance with the rest.
Humble in our suffering,
Kicking dreams while we are down,
Overcome with clear visions,
Create life without a sound.
Control of the elements,
The magician raises his hand,
Harmony and balance,
A word is spoken, giving a command.
Cast beneath the sun,
Is a world that is connected as one.
The speck of dust to greatest rock,
There is foundation and a plan.

Solitude in the morning,
The pain lingers on,
A fuzzy head keeps it moving,
Wake up and greet the sun.
Motivation becomes lost,
The picture has changed,
You can’t set a price to the cost,
There is no party to blame.
Search with my heart and mind,
I struggle sometimes in vain.
Gentle words give me more in kind,
Lie down and remember the rain.

Blue,
The color of ice water,
The color for coldness,
The color for sky so clear,
My eyes,
The vision of soulful,
With emotional change,
They can capture,
They can tame,
Sight,
Look in your being,
Look in your heart,
See the beyond,
Feel to the core.



Heart is full of saddened joy,
Coming together and ripen apart,
Mental frustration and fortitude,
Complete the task now at hand,
Experience has yet to catch up,
Release the frustration,
Energize the focus,
Expand the whole,
Do the best you can,
Use your best effort,
We are only just beginning.



When the air is moving slowly
And the body begins to sway
Then we can feel the rhythm
And the spirit comes out to play
This is the morning of a day to remember
A charm into deep splendor
Acknowledgement to complete surrender
When the warmth is all encompassing
And you leave this world behind
Remember to lend yourself to grounding
Open up and free your mind
This is the sunset of a day to remember
A visual to remind you of the day with a mender
Healing all with glorious surrender
Feeling life along the way


Yesterday I bought a house so now the inspections and paperwork begins. I still have not sold my house in Kansas City, but I can afford for a few months to have both. I want to just close and move in ASAP. I bought an older house, but it has a large back yard and 4 bedrooms, so we can easily spread out and have guests. After all of the cleaning and painting has been done I will invite others over to help me bless it. Then once everything has moved in I will probably begin having regular Toteg circle meetings as well as having people over for dinner.



Excitement fills the air
The energy surges from everywhere.
Rise above and spread my wings,
Healing songs and joyful rings.
Balance creates the awakening power
To ride the tides for hours and hours.
Breathe the colors in and out
The path is what it is about.
Joining hands with everyone
Sacred journey to be one.




New Home Blessing

Purification

May the fires of the sun purify us,
The waters of the earth cleanse us,
The winds of the heavens freshen us,
And may the rich earth feed and strengthen us.
Being cleansed and nourished may we realize our connection to all,
So that with our Spirits awakened we may live in harmony with all of creation.

Please hold hands.

Invocation

Mother Earth, Father Sky, come into us now,
That we may realize our unity with you,
Knowing that as we are your children
Your spirit resides in us all.
May we realize our divine nature,
And in witnessing your connection in all things,
Share all with you, as you share all with us.

Offering

Mother Earth, Father Sky,
You from whom all things come and to whom all things return,
We thank you for your many blessings.
Receive now this token of the blessings you have given us,
Returned with our gratitude and love.

Drum a steady beat and one by one come forward and contribute to the offering.

Mother Earth, Father Sky,

We ask that you watch over us, this land, and this home,
So that we may continue to grow as we are intended to,
So that we may find comfort and rest in your presence,
So that we may share with others our open love that you have given us.

We ask for your guidance and wisdom in all that we do,
So that we are safe from harm and open for truth,
So that we may understand ourselves,
So that we may live in our communion with you in all of your many aspects.

We ask that you help us develop our wisdom,
So that we may learn our path,
So that we may know peace and understanding,
So that we may thrive on your teachings,
And recognize the divine.

Guided meditation

Spreading the offering to all sides of the land













Happy days and happy years,
Driving though all the tears,
Helping to let the spirit shine.
In and out and all around,
Facing fear just like a clown,
Knowing that this moment will soon pass.
Make the most of every smile,
Live it all in a special style,
You are you and they can’t take that away.
Don’t give in to times of doubt,
Make your mark and make it count,
Leave your legacy with an attitude.
Find yourself even through it all,
Take that step don’t be afraid to fall,
Now is when you need to let it show.


Pass the past in the past,
Know the now right now,
Fear of the future leads far away,
Because being your beliefs allows you to become.
Moments will not last,
You already know how,
Don’t forget how to play,
Open your eyes the time has come.





Rejoice in this day,
A new beginning,
Reach out your hand,
A place to start,
Follow the path,
A love surrounds you,
Open your eyes,
A moment that lights the spark,
We live today,
Like we want to,
Free from the past,
A home you find,
Know that right now,
You know the answers,
A question is the hardest part.



Have you ever felt in your heart the need to love someone unconditionally?
Have you ever felt drawn to look into someone’s soul and just accept them?
Have you ever felt like you could just transcend all of life to live in a moment?
The experience still wells up inside me and I will never forget it.
There were so many moments of pure harmony that will change my life forever.
Yes, there were times when I felt out of sorts and the reality of the physical world took over. Yes, there were moments when I felt people faking it, just to keep going.
But, to have the opportunity to experience a moment of bliss made all of the other times infinitesimal. I am not talking the sexual bliss. That might come close to the eruption of emotion that caught me. The greater gift was the simple look and the knowing of another person’s soul, the reaching out and connecting and the giving just to give. It felt so good to give love, acceptance, pure intent of goodwill. I wish I could make it my life’s work to give like that, because by giving my heart feels more full. Sometimes I will journey and find something similar. I talk to the animals, the rocks and the trees. I share with them and they share with me. There is complete understanding with them. I can find sometimes an understanding in other spirits, but it is so difficult these days to share that with someone other than your spouse. This alchemical weekend will live and breathe within me. Many times did I see the gold, many times did I see it flow and turn, many times I watched and learned, many times my life did unfold, yet my journey continues and I am better for having a moment of true living.



What is going to be important will start with a simple intent. Take out a piece of paper and figure out what it is you truly want fixed. One statement that is not a generality, but a direct outcome. Don't say I want Poly to be healed, or I want him to be happy. Figure out by just writing many things down about the situation and see if you can find a common word or directive. With the paper just write don't think about it just do it. When you have completed the statement write it on a small piece of paper. Now you can bury it, put it under a candle, burn it. do what ever you need to do to send it beyond. Then take hands with one another and look at each others eyes. look deep and try to see into the soul. you can do this sitting or standing. Don't speak just look, I want you to send love and healing with your eyes. Look for the child, look deep. put on a timer or something and tell him that I am trying something like and experiment on passing images or something, he doesn't need to know that you are projecting. Just take some time and look. Erase all of the doubt from your mind and clear away thought. Just simply look for a minute or so every day. What you are doing is using your connection to start the fire again. Or light one that is needed. It is so easy with all of the medications or everyday ordeals to put a dampener over the inner light. All of the other things like family and business throw dirt at the fire, it doesn't go out but it comes close. Take some time and write, then connect.






What is meant by Alchemy? Part of the weekend was focused on a book titled Alchemical Psychology. Where we dissected relationships and dreams into their components and discussed how they related to base elements and how we could transform them to create balance and turn it into something new. Such as a marriage between two people, taking two people who have their own ideas and beliefs and putting them together to form a third us. We talked about recipes and how the act of doing the recipe can result in a product. We talked about how the US was called a melting pot and it has taken all of the different cultures of the world and transformed it into something different. We also worked on dreams and how to use them for understanding and creation. We worked on breathing as well as chakras and energy creation. There was a section of the weekend where we meditated with Peruvian whistles and used sound for cleansing and toning. There was also a section on drumming and dance. In one section we sat and meditated on what our first memory was, when we transformed from the perfection of childhood naivety, then with that thought roam around randomly and then stop and look into someone’s eyes and see that as our last thought. The impact and the wholeness of it all was quite an experience. Later when we moved into two circles and the inner circle and outer circle looked at each other and then touched each other’s heart was a powerful moment.

I am sure I didn’t present this correctly. This all sounds like new age BS but the whole weekend was not like that. The transformation of lead to gold, or the problems within your self to the divine within your self isn’t so easily stated. It was full of moments that were unique to me and I feel better for having experienced it. So even if some of it was BS, my learning more about my self and my process helped push me along my spiral path.



Fire awake my burning breath
In words to help my restless soul
Ignite in me the loving touch
That heals the wounds of no intent
Keep me full of love refreshed
So I am awake to know the fool
Help the hands that do too much
Share the burden of time well spent
Reach inside the council kept
Bring to life a dreamers goal
Feel the answers and answer such
So in the end we know what is meant

Work your heart
Stretch your mind
Worry not things left behind
Moment now living true
Trust your spirit in what to do
Open up to feel the hand
That pushes forth across the land
Honest for your heart speaks free
Let it all be and see



Healing hands in the world today
Give strength to all you meet.
Cares and worries sent all around
Make it a challenge to walk the street.
We see the day and view the years
While we pass the moments bye.
Know that sudden moment clear
So you don’t look back and wonder why.
Understand, open up, and play
The wonderments never end.
In the truth you may discover a way
Or you may enjoy new gifts and friends.


Feel the movement going round,
Lift and feel the intense sound,
From the beat the rhythm move by,
Growing pulse to reach the sky,
Thump, Ka, Tek, Boom, and purr,
Get into the sounds of the earth,
The songs can move in you beyond your dreams,
Life giving pulse makes new sound and means.
Stir the pot and mix your soul,
Find the groove, live and know.


You may wonder why I just say Morning. It is just a time of day that I connect and write. None of my poems have titles. They speak to those in need of their words and sometimes annoy those that don't. With a title I find that it becomes a certain message that I write, when in fact different people find different meanings and I just leave it up to that.


Thank you for the helping hand,
For reaching out,
Fulfilling need,
For giving the time so cherished,
When there are lots of things to do.
Thank you for a heart so grand,
For seeking out,
For planting seed,
For working the line so flourished,
Still keeping your word so true.
You have given a gift worth many,
Even when others have walked away,
You have my thanks full and plenty,
You have touched my life today.


How do you fit a natural spirituality in a modern world?

This is a big question for me because as an Electrical Engineer I have to see to it that modern process and efficiency are used to create the best possible solution for a given problem.

Things I know include; sound reasoning and judgment, principles and practice of the profession, efficient techniques, laws and guidelines, verbal and written communication skills, balance of client wants and needs along with return on investment and cost, project management of people and resources including scheduling and training. Are those spiritual practices?

I am a spiritual being so there is no choice but to be spiritual in all that I do. I work with others to provide the best infrastructure to the communities. I find ways of creating clean water, energy, and their recycle/ reuse as best I can. I have to understand that my clients are really the community as a whole. The counties and the cities who pay me want me to do the best I can so that they get the most for their money and pass those savings to the communities. I have to understand that I can always learn from others around me and that even though a title and a skill set may separate me from others they are on their path and I am on mine and there is no judgment or prejudgments allowed. I must maintain honest relationships and present myself as who I am and represent the others who depend on me as best I know how. I have to understand my actions so that I can understand the consequences.

--

Over the last few years I have been thinking of changing professions. Right now I can not change because of contractual obligation and because of financial obligation. I must take steps to maintain my focus and my direction while preparing for the opportunities ahead of me. Prior Proper Planning prevents piss poor performance. You must understand what lies ahead so that you can take steps to proceed. Doing what I want to do unfortunately takes money and so I have to give a portion of my time in order to obtain it. I must be present in my activities and apply the knowledge that I have gathered to the correct use. Being present is a spiritual practice that takes time to learn and is vital to my experience. It is easy for me to day dream and wonder around, it is essential that I focus and live each moment.

Living moments are now at hand,
I used to push off what I didn’t understand,
Now I sit and let life be,
Knowing the picture will come to me.
Active thought and hunger thrive,
Know yourself and be alive,
Quite still your heartbeat now,
Think on life, the what, and how.
Do you push forward the hand of fate?
Are you content to sit and wait?
From your dreams the reality pushes forth.
Can you sculpt a true north?
In touch with self and the world at hand,
Push yourself to be one with all the land.

How do you have a natural spirituality in a modern world? By being true to your beliefs, your culture, your profession, and understand what you do and the consequences of your actions. When you feel and see the larger picture and understand how to be apart of the picture so that you can truly live life and be one with the truth that connects us all.

How do we move on inside?
From the wisdom of the ages,
The heart can open wide,
It can sing to all who gather,
Smiling through our deep hides.
Passing on beliefs,
Sharing observations,
Complex and simple sides,
Realize the manifestations,
Hold on for a bumpy ride.






Some days are up and some are down in my cycle towards inner peace. I struggle a lot with the everyday world. Sometimes I just don’t feel like I belong in a business atmosphere. I long for the freedom of social interaction and observation. I want to learn and explore. I think we are on this quest for contentment and happiness and forget about the steps to get there. I jump there quite a bit, but I also fall back into the reality that I have created for myself. Tonight I am going to a group meeting and the topic is transformation. At first glance I don’t quite know what the topic is going to be about. The word has a definition, but who knows if it is what they are meaning. To me transformation is more a law than a topic. It simply exists. I have been told that nothing is neither created nor destroyed it is merely transformed. If you look at matter, then on the physical level what was here is still here it is transformed into something else. During the alchemical weekend there was talk about creation and how creation can take place on a spiritual level. For instance there is the creation of the intent and then it becomes. Or how about a couple that forms a new We or us when each is singular alone. I don’t know if I buy into the creation thing even at that level because if you have ever been in a relationship you know that in order for there to be the third us or the family there has to be a lot of work done. The work done develops the us or that separate thing it does not just form itself. The same goes for the creation of an intent. Is it truly created out of nothing? No there was a purpose that developed from something and that transformation pushes forward to create the intent, even if it was an offshoot of something else. To create something you must use something else. To me that is transformation and not creation.


Only a few people in my life know that I suffer from severe depression. None of the jobs I have worked for have been told and I used to be medicated to try and correct my chemical imbalance. When I moved out here to Las Vegas I quit taking the medication to see where I am and try to get a baseline for the future. I like being off of the medication, but I also feel that I am down a lot more than I probably should be. Most of the time I am bored with life and can barely find any motivation for working or doing things. I have found that when I experience life by helping people or by attending learning I am much happier. I feel very secluded a lot. I push myself to go out and be social when I know I could easily stay and watch TV or sleep. I think I am going to have to go back on medication to try and improve my energy level. The boredom that I feel most of the time is not right and I should be at a different level. My problem is that when I am on medication I get memory loss as well as mood swings. I will have to find a doctor to help me elevate my level or this is going to get bad.




Do you remember,
The way through the forest,
The journey down the river,
As life began your drum?
Do you remember,
The coals sleeping in the fire,
The clouds below your feet,
As dreams touch the new born sun?
I can remember the dancing in moonlight,
The water,
The earth,
The air as they burn to one.
Does this dream ever end?
Will we all be one again?
Will we touch the hand of Father?
While our Mother keeps us warm?
Do you remember,
The way across the mountain,
The dryness of the dessert,
The sleep when the day is done?
Do you remember,
The singing in the spring time,
The playing in the fall,
The laughter in the song?
I can remember the dancing in moonlight,
The water,
The earth,
The air as they burn to one.
Does this dream ever end?
Will we all be one again?
Will we touch the hand of Father?
While our Mother keeps us warm?


It is tough to get through the rough times. To rekindle the fire that is there. You have no choice but to be Divine. The question is how can you let your lit shine when it is covered with all the junk you can put on it. Finding an out let to begin the blaze is sometimes really hard. Sometimes I go through the motions and still find nothing. The problems and the mud seem to never leave my head. When you get too buried in the past and think too much about the future there becomes no time for the present and you miss the magic of the moment. Real life, real attention, real action do not occur in the past or the future they are here and now. When you can let things go you can do wonders. The trick is learning how to clear your head even for a little while. Try setting a timer and then do nothing but breathe in and out, think in and out, and dismiss any thought you have other than breathing. Lay down and do it so that you breathe form your belly. Walk and do nothing but count 1,2, or left, right. Sit an marvel at a flower and see every line every color. Do something that is a now thing. Set a timer and don't do anything else till the timer goes off. Then you can choose to let all the crap back in or not. You have conditioned yourself to think and reflect the past into your thinking of the future. You think you are going to get the same reaction over again. Stop that by learning from the past and moving on. You can make the future what ever you want, you just have to be now long enough to set it into motion.


My Way,
Is the Toteg Tribal way.
I am connected to the Great Mother Earth.
I am connected to the Great Father Sky.
I recognize that the blood that runs through my veins and
The places in which I rest my head effect who I am.
I can not and will not take from anything that I do not know and try to possess it.
I have no choice but;
To give honor in a way that is truth for me,
To give respect to my ancestors,
To give respect to my culture,
To give respect to others and their culture.
I learn by being true to my Self, my Spirit and my Connection.
I grow to become one with the Earth and all things.
I choose to experience my path and the path set by the oneness that connects us all.


Can you see your reflection in the soft morning breeze?
Does the wind call your name as you pray upon your knees?
Laughing and learning, we reach the open sky,
Touching and feeling, we know yet wonder why,
All that we are is formed throughout the ages,
The mother and the daughter,
The father and the son,
Do you feel all the presence as you move among the forest?
Can you touch the emotion as you swim within the sea?
Singing and loving we give back to the knowing,
Dancing and spinning, the kiss is overwhelming,
In all of our being we flip through the pages,
The books and the scrolls,
The prose and the song.


Many of you may not know me because I don’t really say much any more, but I felt compelled to discuss this as it is current in my life.

Does Reiki have intelligence?
Being a part of everything, the divine energy, the life force, there is intelligence there. I do not think it is the same understanding that we try to personify, but rather a knowing of what is needed. The healers that I have been around lately don’t know or understand Reiki. They only know that they tap into it and channel it through to others and then let it go where it is needed. At first I was taken back by their non-specific ness. They just get within a zone of the person and then move their hand around looking for the energy. I find it unnecessary to look for it because I always feel it. That may because of Reiki understanding. There is more of a connection that is given to use where others must search for it. It is always there. The healing has never come from us and we know that. We follow patterns with our hand placement to focus a more rapid healing than just a general cover it all. But we do have an understanding that if we were compelled to just give in one position it wouldn’t work any less and more than just that one place would be affected. I think that by being tuned into the Reiki energy we can feel where it needs to go and it will go there from what ever position we are in. I am not sure that we can force anything. We could try, but then it wouldn’t work and we would feel the loss of our own attempts. There is a harmony and a balance that exists within the whole and where there is need it is filled. Trying to give when it is not wanted, does not create balance and so it is of no use.

If there is a cover over a hole in the sand, you can not fill it unless you remove the cover, but given the time the hole may become larger and the sides fall in and it seeks its own level eventually the cover is not over a hole, but laying on the sand. The hole has been washed away. Given enough time a balance is created. We have learned how to fill the holes so that the rest is not touched. If you don’t fill the holes directly, you can wash over it all and it would work it just takes longer. If you are trying to force things, it is like spitting on the cover rather than using the hose in your hand when they remove the cover. You are dry, you require water and it will probably take more than you have in you to fill even the slightest hole. We have the buckets and the hose of the right size, others use trucks and a fire hose, the earth and the wind will fill it, but our own spit and hands are never enough to fill the holes as they are needed.



Healing the sand.

I was thinking about energy healing and came up with an analogy about different types of healing through energy. Suppose for a moment that you are a sandy beach. Your life changes as seasons change, as the weather changes, as different tides come in. Sometimes there are items in the sand that hurt, sharp rocks, shells, sticks. When things hurt or don’t belong they need to be removed. We sometimes put up barriers for protection, we sometimes block of parts of ourselves to save us from the pain. When someone needs healing and they ask for it, their barrier is removed so that it can be cleaned and taken care of. If they don’t ask for it and you try to heal, you are faced with multiple barriers in the sand that are secure and tight. You would be rough and painful and even more healing would need to take place, you might even require the healing. There are different methods to heal and smooth the beach. The healing energy for us is like water. If you have ever sprayed water on a beach, you can see the smoothing effect it has. Everyone has the ability to wash their beach, but most do so in a general manner that covers it all. If they are not careful they can push painful things down and bury them. For now they are ok, but eventually it will resurface and it will need to be dealt with again. As energy healers you learn the focus and you learn how to use the hose to wash away the items. With more practice you can become really good and cleansing and healing. As a practitioner you learn how to see the objects on the beach. You can even reach in and remove objects, even ones deep in the sand. You also learn how do fill the holes. You gain control of the hose and you use your tools to direct the healing. You can also wash away and cleanse the whole beach from afar because you know right where to aim.

Everything heals and becomes one with balance. The rain would eventually wash clean all of the items on the beach. The wind would blow across the surface and fill in the holes. If left alone a hole will level out and will be smooth again. But we never know how long that will take. We get help for what we want to accomplish. As we learn more we help things along and speed up the process. We know that the cleansing and the healing do no come from us, because we do not have enough water within us to wash things away. If we try to do it we will become tired and thirsty and need the water ourselves.

There are so many techniques for cleansing the beach, each will work. The ultimate goal is to put it all in place and become a wonderful place that is one with all of the surroundings.




On this simple morning,
As the birds begin to wake,
We see in the reflection,
The road that we must take.
The choice of the beginning,
A brand new point of view,
We watch as the time goes by,
All the things that are brand new.
Simply a mirror or a gateway to the rest,
Look within your dreamcast eyes,
For you know what is best.
Touch the box of discovery,
You open up all the possibilities,
Taste the nectar of your thoughts,
Forget all false sensibilities.
Walk down the road of progress,
Understand the illusions of the past,
You can never go back to reap and sew,
So you must make the moment last.
Simply a mirror or a gateway to the rest,
Look within your dreamcast eyes,
For you know what is best.


The Declaration of the Toteg Tribe.

We are the Toteg Tribe.

We honor and recognize Mother Earth and Father Sky from which all things come and all things return.

We seek to find truth in all things.

We learn from the land, the directions, the community, our ancestors, the elements, the spirits and from personal experience.

We recognize cultural integrity and learn to develop who we are without taking from other cultures.

We live here and now and listen to Mother Earth and Father Sky for their messages.

We share as a family, a tribe, a wisdom, a truth.

We are the Toteg Tribe.






Move to the left,
Feel to the right,
Search for the vision,
Without use of sight,
We know the truth,
With limited voice,
The presence of mind,
To make the next choice.
We stand in the way,
Of our own beautiful progress,
Our cluttered minds at play,
We often just don’t notice.
Where to go from here,
Know the questions to ask,
Release the inner fear,
Be complete at last.
So hard to do,
We are so distracted,
To let it come through,
Ourselves so neglected.
How can I help you?
When you know I have needs.
I struggle too,
I am down on my knees.
Life, right now is happy,
Content and pure,
Sometimes I am laughing.
I leave it alone,
Just for today.
No worries at all,
It is time to play.

Dance the fire burning bright,
Trance the spiral through the night,
Let it go,
Feel the flow,
Release the grip of all you know.
Follow the push of harmony,
Spirit rise and set it free,
See the show,
Bend and grow,
Expand to fill yourself and whole.
Connect with all you feel today,
Soar to heights through conscious play,
Reassemble,
Disassemble,
Complete the You and watch it glow.
Can you see yourself with selfless eyes?
The dreams surround the revealing prize.
Being whole,
Complete and full,
One with all, free to touch the soul.

Dancing days flow from the Sun,
Welcome to some lifelong fun,
Whirling, twirling, and stomping around,
Merry be both lost and found.
Fly about like your feet are on fire,
Spirit rising higher and higher,
Roll your toes and tap to life’s beat,
Open arms towards all whom you meet.
What can you do when everyone smiles?
Join in the fun and rejoice for a while.
Why must you choose a sorrow drawn face?
Each now is worth living, each moment we make.
I want to sing and let my self be free,
No one stops my self but me.
Choices I have made in the past are all gone,
I can change my point of voice to let it be strong,
A reality conforms to my vision once more,
Be live and be hopeful and you can weather a storm.
Choosing your road takes adjusting, I know.
Rearrange all the costumes and let us go to the show.
Do not worry so much,
Do not relive the past,
Move on in your life’s lessons,
All your feelings can last.
Show me the tune by the dance that you sing,
Filled full of truth of a marvelous thing,
You can be true to yourself and have fun,
Just let it all go, be free, be one.





Welcome to the morning breeze,
The silent whispers as you are fast asleep,
The birds awake to greet the morning sun.
Dreaming visions here and now,
The thoughts of wonder escape somehow,
Magic in the morning has only just begun.
Mother takes a deep full breath,
As Father spreads his massive chest,
Protect the children before it is time to run.
The trees move from a dreaming sway,
Animals move from where they lay,
Breath of life begins the morning hum.
Begin now to stretch your body before your tongue,
The day ahead is created by where you are from,
Cleanse away the cobwebs and the numb,
Make the most, for tomorrow is just a day away.

Thank you for your helping hand,
When life will wonder into a not so grand,
When we need the reminder of a loving heart.
Thank you for being a friend indeed,
When in those times of simple need,
When we require help from the start.
You have been around for me,
A simple message to set me free,
Suport when others have let it go.
Your heart is big and full and it shows,
The things you do that no one really knows,
I thank you from deep inside of me.



Welcome to the morning breeze,
A choice to live has come over me,
A restored faith in my self once more,
My internal fear is thrown out the door.
Breathe in the light of the morning sun,
Bask in a glory of a new day begun,
See the light in the newborn’s face,
Ancestral power is shown in grace.
All make the choice to live each day,
We throw the clouds in our minds away.
I want to live how my heart rings true,
How to understand just what to do?
I want to run where the sun shines free,
Fire in life as it was meant to be.
Spinning on heals letting go to flow,
Balance in the pure rhythm I know.
Spinning the wheels of a daily life,
Training my self is to be pure in light.
Letting my life wash over me,
Exploring the options that I know can be.
Knowledge to step through a different way,
Instill oneness with all through time and space.








To the thirteen breaths of life I send
One for heart and a helping friend
Sharing silent waves of thought
Another spreads across the land
Finding purchase to the intend
Gift of comfort to relieve distraught
Never touch in person be
Distance does not stop the energy
Take a hand and worry not
A gift to your impending mend
Strength to you in spirit I send


Where are the raindrops on my head?
The leap extends from their lofty heights.
What choices are made to spread their love?
The vital nectar is contained within.
Show me the balance away from desire.
See the restless soul in a pool of torment.
Honor bound by the bonds of conformity.
Wisdom is shown in the inner light.
Live by the cascading reflection in a sphere of suffering.
Manifest the dreams with proper sight.
Action strung together with beads of uncertainty.
Piece together the fragments of life which are truly worth living.
Focus in the beam of oneness and light.
Become the drop that can break free from the cohesion.
Become the stillness before the storm.
Share in the rhythm of change.
See the vision of life.




I remember as a child the men and women of my parents church. Some of the leaders had a very close relationship with their divine. There were a few that it was a pleasure to be around as well as those that felt like they were putting on a show and that you had to dig to find their true nature. To me it didn’t matter what religion they fell under, the people who where true to their beliefs had an inner peace that served them well. Those people where content to share when asked, but not to be judgmental and forceful about spreading their ideals to others. I had chances to visit with leaders from various communities as a child and feel fortunate to have known them. By knowing many spiritual practices I could see personal truths that were common in them.

Last night there was a discussion on ceremony and ritual. In that discussion we shared definitions, various cultural and spiritual practices and how they are used as tools for various results. Some discussion was about knowing a certain system so that you could compare and develop and have a reference for a view. For me I guess I did have a solid spiritual childhood so I don’t know any other way. I have many spiritual ancestors that have helped me find personal truth in many forms. Lately I find that I enjoy surrounding myself with spiritual practice in many forms. I find and view the things I do with a spiritual perspective and see ways to secure a constant relationship with Mother and Father.

I look back and see my spiritual ancestors in many forms. My direct and indirect teachings have come from people, animals, the land and things that I see, hear and feel. For a long time I searched for teachers feeling that I needed someone to help me with my continued progress. When I came to the realization that I was not going to find a specific teacher, I had to understand that I had to be open for many teachers in many forms and that I have been taught how to see them and I must open myself up to it and not be so shallow in my view as to what or who can be a spiritual teacher. Everyday life teaches me a great deal and my present spiritual teachers are just as valuable as my ancestral ones. Sometimes it is still difficult to maintain the spiritual openness that I know that I require, but I am learning how to be more in tune and notice what is in front of me.



Hear the openness in a crowd,
See the light,
Even behind a dark shroud.
The visions are clear,
We just refuse
To form like the clouds,
In a loose bond
That lets the light shine through.

Gentle sleep in morning wake,
A crisp breath with each intake,
Colored horizons over mountain peaks,
Good morning Father with open arms I greet.
Mother upon whom my feet do tread,
Fill my heart as I rise from bed.

Trying to find a new beginning,
To release all fears from past illusions,
Make a vision and leave the ego behind.
Learning my tools from the spirit hands,
Left all false hope across empty fields,
Strengthen resolve by tearing apart,
Dreams work piece by piece rebuilding the soul.
Who am I now?
What was I then?
How far have I traveled from where I began?
Engrained in my spirit,
Is a fight for a truth.
A personal conquest,
That will never end.

To have your ups,
To have your downs,
Feeling direction
When lost and found.
Pathways to meet
Challenge ahead,
The goals we seek,
Evolve instead.
Sometimes,
You have to
Throw in,
You have to
Regroup,
You have to
Share what’s deep inside.
Sometimes,
You have to
Rethink,
You have to
Conceive,
Before take your next step.
Lying awake at night,
Feeling your skin crawl with fright,
Knowing your part of the game,
But you feel distant just the same.






Grounding solid in a perfect square,
Endless circle of knowledge kept there.
Born where Earth and Sun do meet,
In directions that teach us how to be.
Live in perfect spirals as our paths unfold,
With truth the tribe connects the whole.

As I was having surgery on Friday this was how I was drawing the symbol in my mind. Over the last few days it sometimes took on a three dimensional shape in two different ways to me. The first was a spinning shape around the vertical axis where the sun would have a half sphere effect and the top and bottom points would cone around the cube. The spirals never really took a three dimensional thickness the just moved along the spiral both outwards and inwards. The other way that I saw this was as if attached to a piece of fabric on the inside and out. The problem or pain was placed in the center and given to mother and father and then the points came together and were secured by drawing the circle like a drawstring.



Our cycles turn on a spirit wheel.
Do we disconfirm our own appeal?
What looks good on our plate?
Find some more before it is too late.
Do we compost what is left?
We pack the garbage with the rest.
Heal with help to our true form.
Not forgetting the shirt from which we are torn.
Change is consistent throughout the land.
Can we embrace and still make it last?
What can be developed into something new?
A typical life is too confused.
Create in time your own true path.
A natural development built strong to last.



Open my eyes to the center of being,
Not knowing anymore what I am truly seeing.
Throwing all ego to the floor,
Learn like a child so I can open the door.
Spinning all around in a sacred dance,
The world falls away as I slip into a trance.
Touching the sky as I move my feet,
Spirit rushes in as I get in deep.
Can you run away and leave judgment aside?
Can you let go, to glimpse the vastness inside?
Fires bursting out just like the rain,
The Creative force begs you to release the reigns.
The earth burns hot and the winds blow cold,
Release the transformation so that it can turn gold.
Sometimes I sit and let it wash through me,
Make a complex form within true simplicity.
Can you relax enough even if only your eyes?
Can you see the beauty in life begin to rise?
Dance the charm of the eternal snake.
Passion to rebuild your Self and a divine form take.
Center that balance, form once more.
Connected truths again restored.


Write a book, yeah why not? I have been talking on and off for a long time about putting together a book, so I probably should do it. I started off writing poetry as a way to calm my mind and quit smoking. It became a spiritual practice of connecting both sides of my brain. There is a creative force and an intellectual force in constant battle within me and forcing them to work together to develop rhyme, meter, vision, and open up communications have shaped me as a person.

I have been using poetry to observe my thoughts and feelings as well as interpret the world around me. At times I get a song in my head, or I am in a certain mood, or I just learned something and want to share it. My audience has changed around sometimes, but in general I am talking to myself and asking myself questions about life. I have sent some poems to people so that they can understand more about me or I want to tell them something and it is my way of doing so.

At first I did not begin to write a book of poems and spiritual intent. I began with a process of healing. I was working on my spiritual temple, my Self, when I started writing. I needed to quit smoking. It is a difficult task to do and it is no small undertaking when you set your mind to it. I began with an online forum where I would share in the quitting process with everyone there. For a while I tried to anonymous, so that no one would really get to know me. I would ask for help and advice, but there are some standard things people say to ease the new quitters through the first physical and mental pains that were occurring. What I ended up finding out is that quitting to me became a spiritual process. I had to find myself again. I never realized how much living I was not doing because of smoking. In the past to quit smoking I had used the gum, the menthol inhaler, I even broke down several times and smoke old butts and smokes I would bum off of people. I was hooked hard and there was nothing I could do until I made the decision to live rather than to waste. You see I smoked all of the time. I would smoke in the car, when I walked the dog, every break I could get, in hotels and with friends. I traveled a lot so I was by myself day after day and would break down from many quits with justifications about next time.

One day I decided that if I was going to be alive, I needed to live and not fall into a habit that would ruin my life. So one anniversary I told my spouse that I was quitting for good. I had a shot of tequila, my last smoke, and never looked back. The first week or so sucked. I realized my whole life revolved around smoking. There was not a moment that I didn’t think about smoking. I tried to go out with my friends and not smoke just so part of me was still normal. I found it difficult to think and focus. I would constantly have to tell myself that I was not going to smoke no matter what.

On the quit smoking forum I tried to participate, I tried to give back to others as they were giving to me. They held my virtual hand and often stayed up late with me so that I could do it. I developed friends and buddies and one of those days I was having problems, I felt inspired to write a poem. It felt good to get it out. I felt focused and charged. I started writing them everyday and sharing with everyone there. Some people thought it was a little odd that I was pouring myself out in front of everyone, but others could see meaning in them and asked if I wrote it to them. I found that the more I wrote the more sense of everything I could make. Many people asked if I wrote them myself or if I had found some inspirational material.

To me the poems became a morning prayer. They were a greeting of the sun to get my self in order. I would drive to work and life would flow in front of me and by the time I got to work, I had all of these poems swimming around and so I would write one from pieces of everything and send it out. Then I would respond to email and get in tune with work. As time went on I would usually send one out a day if it was possible, but it was not always, so I would jot them down on napkins or paper, just so it would be out of me in birthed into the world. Lots of them have been thrown away since they were not together, but some have lived and brought about change in my mental world.

I couldn’t tell for a while if I was writing for attention or for development. I wanted people to read them and I felt so happy if someone wrote me and told me they identified with it. I found that I was just writing them for my self and just sharing with others. It really didn’t matter if they accepted them or not, I was getting them out and they were helping me. I quit writing in some forums because I didn’t feel that anyone would benefit from the poems and some often felt that it wasn’t the place for them and that I was distracting from the purpose of the area.

There were times when I would write some prose to go along with the poetry so that I could establish the place where the poem came from. Other times I just posted it. None of the poems ever had titles except what other people perceived them to be. They were an existence without the handicap of prejudice in their name. To me they were like a divination tool. You would read it and identify with it if it was meant for you.

I really suggest you use this book like a tool to both find meaning for yourself and as inspiration for your own work. Thumb through the book and stop and read a poem. Think carefully if it fits your situation. If it doesn’t then flip some more, if it does then really ponder it. Write your own poems and try and fit what you feel and your situation into a few words and phrases. The writing of poetry takes your mind and focuses it into something that you understand and can deal with. I believe it takes your whole mind to create a really good poem. I am still working on it and developing all the time. There are some of these poems I don’t like and others that seem to say it all. Examine yourself and grow.

I have pages and pages from stuff here and there. The time just seems to blurr them all together.