Stress Relief

I am glad that everything got out into the open about what was causing upset feelings. I am sorry that it turned out into more feelings getting hurt and friendships getting bruised, but hopefully they can be mended and things can be straightened out. Enough of that.

I am running around trying to tie up all of the loose ends and get LVPPD up and running this upcoming Saturday. The banner looks great, I am confirming the schedule today, and trying to get everyone on board.

I found out the other day that my health insurance doesn't want me to have the surgery that will help get rid of the pain. They are going to claim that there is too much pre-existing condition and they can refuse services for a year. They also said that the Doctor is covered, but his surgery center is outside the network. What is the point of covering an orthopedic surgeon and not the place where he works? So I am left with more and more drugs which decrease my pain a little, but impair my ability to go out, drive, and in general make somewhat of a normal life. I have to suffer during the day, take a bunch of meds at night and then just lay down and waste the rest of my day. What kind of life is that? I can't clean my house, I have to hire help, I can't do yard work, again hire help, I can't go to social gatherings, no interaction with friends, I am just stuck in my own little world with nothing and no control of anything. How do I deal with all of this? Hell, I can't even have a stiff drink, because I could have some major reactions to the medication and could die.

When the winds of the world wash over me,
And I struggle to gain control,
Thinking of things that can never be,
Leave me digging a hole.
Straight from the top of a big hill,
I ride and almost lose it all,
Ringing the bell of sanity,
Feeling so big and yet so small.