Nervous

Today is the day I go in for my colonoscopy. I don't think it will turn up anything, but I am still a little worried. I had a lot of trouble the last few days getting ready for the procedure. They had this colyte stuff to drink. I was supposed to drink about a gallon of it. I got through two glasses and then just started puking my guts out. Considering I have not had any solid food since Sunday morning pancakes it was not fun. The spasms really hurt my back and did not do will for my disposition. I hope I got clean enough for the doctors. I don't want to repeat the process if I don't have to.

I feel really negligent of not being around for my friends. I want to go visit them and talk with them, but right now I am pretty useless and really can't get out of the house. I hope they know that I don't mean to drop off of the planet, but I can only do so much and I have to work so anything else has to take a back burner to my health. I can't even go and spend the weekend at fall fest because there will be too much moving and I can't do it. Tomorrow I will start bugging the surgeon again about my back. I have to have something done. I don't think I can make it to march. I will worry about my colon right now and then get back to my back.

This sucks. It seems the only thing I write about is the crap going on in my life. It is depressing and does not make for a great read. If anyone was reading portions of this, I am sure I have made the worst of the blurbs list. Maybe I should go back to just writing poems and meditations and leave out all of the rest of this crap.

The day begins with the morning sun,
Rising up to reveal what has been done,
relief in questions beyond the words of expression,
Ponderings of answers yet to be remembered.
Who can call into view the missing perspective,
Ridden from the eastern shore?
Who can follow the jumping delusion,
Hold on tight and ask for more?
Experience the vision of compete release,
Lose control and be again at peace.