Been awhile

I have not felt like writing anything for a while. That is bad for me. I should be writing all the time. I have just been too wiped to do anything that would be normal. I am excited about my surgery on Monday. I have a little bit of nerves, but that is normal for anyone who is going to the doctor to get cut open. I really want this pain to recede. It clouds my mind and consumes me. I have only given myself over to it a few times, most of the time I fight it and push it away. Who wants to hurt all the time. But when you push it away and don't except it, it comes back with a vengeance and it really messes with you.

Happiness is fleeting and I only seem to get moments of it. I cherish them and miss them when they are gone. Finding contentment in my situations is still a chore. I want it to be better and I can make it so. I will be coming off my narcotics next week as I recover from surgery. My hope is that clarity will appear with the reduction of pain and the fog that is medication with clear.

Who am I but someone who wishes to enjoy the ride,
To see a purpose at the end of my moments,
To know that I am doing what I should be doing to get what I want in life.
But what do I want?
What glitters at the end of the road that I am on?
What drives and consumes my needs so that I can loose my regrets and live on the passion?
Where does the rose smell sweet?
It is right at the tip of my nose, or will I be disappointed and only see the beauty from afar.
The romance and desire that flows below the surface will come into being.
I will fly for a while and then rest my head.