Lights, camera, action
I am not sure where to begin on recapping these last few weeks. Life got scary, exciting, overwhelming and joyous all at the same time. I guess I can look back at the beginning and try to get it all out and if I get busy and can’t finish then I will finish later. So while I have a few minutes let us journey back a few weeks and look at what happened.
Amy went into the doctor’s office with her jelly beans. Broches jelly beans have enough sugar so that 13 of them can take the place of a glucose cola that they make pregnant mothers drink to test for gestational diabetes. You have to eat all 13 in 5 minutes. Most guys would say no problem, but try it and see if you can get past the sweetness of it all when you already don’t feel well and you have someone constantly smack you in the belly. Anyway, she got through her test and she was clear. They tested her blood pressure and it came back reading normal. She scheduled her visit in two weeks.
The next day we went to the prenatal specialist to see our baby for his last scheduled ultrasound. Amy’s blood pressure was elevated. It was 178/101. The doctor said to make some adjustments to her medication and we got to see some pictures of our son. He didn’t want to show himself very much so we only got a take home picture of half of his face. He had chubby cheeks and at this magnification he had quite a big nose. He looked like a combination of a Jewish nose from Amy’s heritage and my grandfather’s Iroquois nose. It made us laugh. This was a Friday morning.
All weekend long Amy wasn’t feeling well. She started having pains on her side. She had me go out in the middle of the night and find her some Tylenol regular strength. That was harder than it seemed. I could find every type of extra strength but nothing in regular strength. When I did find it, it cost 3 times the amount of the extra strength. Talk about supply and demand. She started taking the Tylenol and the pain would go away for a few hours. I figured it was muscle pain or the baby was kicking her ribs.
On Monday she went to work and everyone said she didn’t look well. It wasn’t her usual pregnancy glow. She was still having some pains. When she got home she took her blood pressure and it was still elevated. After dinner she started getting neck and chest pains. They were getting bad and wouldn’t go away. I was worried because it seemed like it was heart attack pain and not pregnancy related. We called the doctor and she described her pain. The doctor said to go in and so the adventure began.
Tear drops of unexpected terror,
Unknown what will come next,
Shattered illusions of plans and fresh beginnings,
By the bed of my love I wept.
Pain, sorrow, confusion,
Could this be just a terrible dream?
Not yet, no hurry, hold on for one more day.
An emotional ride with no destination,
No stop to rest the tired and drained blurr
That keeps giving and giving like that darn bunny
You just want to slam against the wall
To stop the pounding in my head.
This is no ones fault.
How do you consul a mother that has just learned that if she does not deliver her baby 9 weeks early she will do permanent damage to herself and could put both herself and her child in jeopardy of death? Between the tears we decided to contact the family and let them know what is going on. Amy’s liver platelets were dropping and her enzymes where increasing. She was getting proteins in her urine and her blood pressure was very high. They were putting her on Magnesium Sulfate to prevent her from going into seizures and blood pressure medication to try and lower her levels. The baby was not the slightest bit stressed and didn’t care about what was going on. He just wanted mom to eat more ice cream.
The doctors were frantically trying to get a bed for the baby in another hospital. The one that we went to was not equipped to take a child less than 34 weeks old. He needs a specialized NICU so that they can deal with a child that is 30.5 weeks. They couldn’t find one that also had a bed for Amy. There was a treat that the baby would be delivered in this hospital and then transported to another hospital will mom stayed here to recover. Not something that anyone wanted. After calling several hospitals they found one that should have a bed in the morning. She just had to hang on until morning. She made it and they transported her at first light to the hospital she would deliver at and the child would remain at.
When Amy arrived at the medical center she caused all sorts of drama. She was put into a birthing room. It is an uncomfortable bed that they can monitor her and the baby constantly. They prepared her for surgery and attempted to do a blood draw. They tried several times and finally got enough to test. She had stabilized a bit and her blood levels were not dropping. They would wait a few more hours and test again. Amy is a terrible blood draw when she is healthy, when she is blotted and not feeling well it is next to impossible to get blood out of her. The lab techs would come in she would tell them to get the smallest needle they had and warned them they would have a difficult time. They blew her off and after several attempts, bruising Amy, not getting any blood, they would walk away with broken egos and smacked with a reality check that not everyone is just complaining. It got to the point that no one wanted to draw her blood. They would put her off until the next shift. They asked for a pic line be put in so that they wouldn’t have to stick her anymore. She already looked like a heroin junkie and battered, beaten and broken. The IV team was not available to put in a line until the next day so they had an anesthesiologist come in and it took the doctor 3 times to get blood from her femoral artery. Test after test we waited, each time bracing ourselves for the call that we couldn’t wait any longer.
They gave her the first injection of steroids to help the baby’s lungs develop on the second night we were in the hospital. Amy’s mother jumped on a plane and headed out to join us. Neither of us slept, still waiting for the next test. She was holding on and her body and was as well. They got another steroid injection in her in the middle of the night. In the early hours of the morning a phlebotomist came in and was a silent vampire. He checked the id badges, confirmed her identity, strapped up her arm and waited. It didn’t do anything but feel. After 15 minutes he went in with a syringe and took the blood. He was the only person that managed to do it without several attempts and lots of pain. He left without a word and processed her blood.
In the morning her tests came back showing an improvement. She started to feel better. The doctor put off the surgery again and we waited. It seemed that they steroids had an effect on Amy as well as the baby. We could hear him with the Doppler and he was coughing all of the time. Amy felt good, her blood pressure had come down. She was stable. The doctor did his rounds and was amazed at her progress. We managed to get him to 31 weeks got both steroid injections in her and she was settling in for an extended stay. I picked up Amy’s mom at the airport and took her to our house. The doctors told her it was a honeymoon period and they still didn’t give it much time. Amy felt so good she was contemplating if they would send her home. They doctors told her that she was not leaving with the baby still inside her and to not get her hopes up. They prepared her to get into a different room and a more comfortable bed. The birthing bed did not make the best sleeping bed. She moved rooms in the morning and actually got in a shower. The IV team came by and it took them 3 tries to get in a line. They used an ultrasound machine to even search for her veins.
What a ride. Amy was feeling better. Her mom was there to keep her company. I went back to work for a few hours to meet some clients and to talk with the marketing director. Everything seemed like it was going well. Then I got the phone text that the pain was starting again. A little while later I got the call that I should wrap things up and go into the hospital. Then I got the call to hurry, he was going to be delivered tonight. I am frantically driving to the hospital, trying to call people to take care of the dog. I missed the exit, had to get gas. Got on the highway and it was stopped bumper to bumper. Got off, tried a back road that was stopped with construction, went around and went a different way. I got stopped by a train that stopped across the intersection and finally made it to the hospital. Then they said that she was given pain meds and that it would be a little while before the doctor got there. I helped get her shaved and ready for surgery. We then got the call that it was delayed a few hours more because there has to be two doctors and they were finding a second one.
A few hours later, I was dressed in surgical scrubs and fussing with trying to get the foot coverings over my feet. They wheeled her into the surgery room and the gave her a morphine spinal block. The doctor was so happy with hitting it the first time that he was joking with us the whole time Amy was laid out. The doctors came in and she was prepped for surgery. One doctor was giving the nurses a hard time and the other was joking and seemed kind of nervous. They strapped her down, put up the sheet and started to work. In 15 minutes they pulled our boy out kicking and screaming to “The neon lights are bright on Broadway, there is magic in the air.” The NICU doctors where there to measure, weight, test and whisk off to the baby patch. He weighed in at 3lbs 11oz and was 17 inches long. Not too bad for a 31 week child. The fact that he was screaming and he got a 9.8 on his test scores, was amazing. I got to see him for a short period as he was leaving. He was beautiful and had lots of hair on his head.
In the wee hours of the morning I got to inform the family and friends that Quinn was born. They had him on oxygen, but he seemed to be doing ok. It took a few hours for the feeling in Amy’s legs to come back. We enjoyed listening to Queen and a few workers sing as they were cleaning up the surgery room not knowing we were next store in recovery.
It is taking Amy quite a bit of focus to get over her feelings that this was somehow her fault that he was early. She keeps getting into the, what did I do wrong state of mind and wants me to forgive her. Most of the time I let her have her feelings, but I keep reminding her how happy I am that they are both alive and how well she did to get him this far. She ate right, she took her vitamins, she didn’t exert herself physically. She did everything she could. Her body was just done. That is ok. I am happy, relieved excited.
I have gone and seen him every day. I have watched settings on the oxygen tubes get turned down as he took on more and more air on his own. I have watched him switch from air tubes to a nose plug that most people have, and then yesterday he came off of oxygen completely. He may have a few days in the future where he needs help, but no one expects a premi to be free of tubes. He is starting to get formula from a feeding tube and not just IV fluid. He is doing wonderfully. By the time he comes home he should be just fine. His heart ultrasound went fine and today he gets a brain scan.
It was amazing the other day when I got to hold him for the first time. He was wrapped up and handed to me. He was so light. He looked at me for a moment and then when I held him in my arms he just went to sleep feeling safe and secure. It was a wonderful feeling. Mom got to hold him for the first time yesterday and he fell asleep right away in her arms. He loves to be held.
I am in awe at the pure perfection in a new born. It doesn’t matter if they are premature or have gone to full term. They are empty of everything but instinct and love. At times they can have the blankness written in their faces and at other times show the whole world that they are disturbed.
Purity in the simplest form,
The world is nothing to them,
They find comfort in the firm touch,
Hold me and protect me.
No shapes in the still forming eyes,
Sound, taste, smell, sensitive to the delicate touch,
Fullness shows in the overwhelming spirit deep inside.
What wonders are coming next?
One moment in the line of a rolling stone building momentum
Who is hardly aware of the hills and only seeing the blade of grass directly in their path.
That struggle to get started will be gone before we know it.
We begin so quickly yet it is so difficult.
Breathing is the focus now,
Then we need food and drink,
Soon the struggles become natural and we forget the beginnings.
Unknowing what could be, what is, what will be.
As I feel up to it I will expand the story and explain the daily struggles to a new family. Right now I wait for a moment to visit and experience life in one moment increments.
Amy went into the doctor’s office with her jelly beans. Broches jelly beans have enough sugar so that 13 of them can take the place of a glucose cola that they make pregnant mothers drink to test for gestational diabetes. You have to eat all 13 in 5 minutes. Most guys would say no problem, but try it and see if you can get past the sweetness of it all when you already don’t feel well and you have someone constantly smack you in the belly. Anyway, she got through her test and she was clear. They tested her blood pressure and it came back reading normal. She scheduled her visit in two weeks.
The next day we went to the prenatal specialist to see our baby for his last scheduled ultrasound. Amy’s blood pressure was elevated. It was 178/101. The doctor said to make some adjustments to her medication and we got to see some pictures of our son. He didn’t want to show himself very much so we only got a take home picture of half of his face. He had chubby cheeks and at this magnification he had quite a big nose. He looked like a combination of a Jewish nose from Amy’s heritage and my grandfather’s Iroquois nose. It made us laugh. This was a Friday morning.
All weekend long Amy wasn’t feeling well. She started having pains on her side. She had me go out in the middle of the night and find her some Tylenol regular strength. That was harder than it seemed. I could find every type of extra strength but nothing in regular strength. When I did find it, it cost 3 times the amount of the extra strength. Talk about supply and demand. She started taking the Tylenol and the pain would go away for a few hours. I figured it was muscle pain or the baby was kicking her ribs.
On Monday she went to work and everyone said she didn’t look well. It wasn’t her usual pregnancy glow. She was still having some pains. When she got home she took her blood pressure and it was still elevated. After dinner she started getting neck and chest pains. They were getting bad and wouldn’t go away. I was worried because it seemed like it was heart attack pain and not pregnancy related. We called the doctor and she described her pain. The doctor said to go in and so the adventure began.
Tear drops of unexpected terror,
Unknown what will come next,
Shattered illusions of plans and fresh beginnings,
By the bed of my love I wept.
Pain, sorrow, confusion,
Could this be just a terrible dream?
Not yet, no hurry, hold on for one more day.
An emotional ride with no destination,
No stop to rest the tired and drained blurr
That keeps giving and giving like that darn bunny
You just want to slam against the wall
To stop the pounding in my head.
This is no ones fault.
How do you consul a mother that has just learned that if she does not deliver her baby 9 weeks early she will do permanent damage to herself and could put both herself and her child in jeopardy of death? Between the tears we decided to contact the family and let them know what is going on. Amy’s liver platelets were dropping and her enzymes where increasing. She was getting proteins in her urine and her blood pressure was very high. They were putting her on Magnesium Sulfate to prevent her from going into seizures and blood pressure medication to try and lower her levels. The baby was not the slightest bit stressed and didn’t care about what was going on. He just wanted mom to eat more ice cream.
The doctors were frantically trying to get a bed for the baby in another hospital. The one that we went to was not equipped to take a child less than 34 weeks old. He needs a specialized NICU so that they can deal with a child that is 30.5 weeks. They couldn’t find one that also had a bed for Amy. There was a treat that the baby would be delivered in this hospital and then transported to another hospital will mom stayed here to recover. Not something that anyone wanted. After calling several hospitals they found one that should have a bed in the morning. She just had to hang on until morning. She made it and they transported her at first light to the hospital she would deliver at and the child would remain at.
When Amy arrived at the medical center she caused all sorts of drama. She was put into a birthing room. It is an uncomfortable bed that they can monitor her and the baby constantly. They prepared her for surgery and attempted to do a blood draw. They tried several times and finally got enough to test. She had stabilized a bit and her blood levels were not dropping. They would wait a few more hours and test again. Amy is a terrible blood draw when she is healthy, when she is blotted and not feeling well it is next to impossible to get blood out of her. The lab techs would come in she would tell them to get the smallest needle they had and warned them they would have a difficult time. They blew her off and after several attempts, bruising Amy, not getting any blood, they would walk away with broken egos and smacked with a reality check that not everyone is just complaining. It got to the point that no one wanted to draw her blood. They would put her off until the next shift. They asked for a pic line be put in so that they wouldn’t have to stick her anymore. She already looked like a heroin junkie and battered, beaten and broken. The IV team was not available to put in a line until the next day so they had an anesthesiologist come in and it took the doctor 3 times to get blood from her femoral artery. Test after test we waited, each time bracing ourselves for the call that we couldn’t wait any longer.
They gave her the first injection of steroids to help the baby’s lungs develop on the second night we were in the hospital. Amy’s mother jumped on a plane and headed out to join us. Neither of us slept, still waiting for the next test. She was holding on and her body and was as well. They got another steroid injection in her in the middle of the night. In the early hours of the morning a phlebotomist came in and was a silent vampire. He checked the id badges, confirmed her identity, strapped up her arm and waited. It didn’t do anything but feel. After 15 minutes he went in with a syringe and took the blood. He was the only person that managed to do it without several attempts and lots of pain. He left without a word and processed her blood.
In the morning her tests came back showing an improvement. She started to feel better. The doctor put off the surgery again and we waited. It seemed that they steroids had an effect on Amy as well as the baby. We could hear him with the Doppler and he was coughing all of the time. Amy felt good, her blood pressure had come down. She was stable. The doctor did his rounds and was amazed at her progress. We managed to get him to 31 weeks got both steroid injections in her and she was settling in for an extended stay. I picked up Amy’s mom at the airport and took her to our house. The doctors told her it was a honeymoon period and they still didn’t give it much time. Amy felt so good she was contemplating if they would send her home. They doctors told her that she was not leaving with the baby still inside her and to not get her hopes up. They prepared her to get into a different room and a more comfortable bed. The birthing bed did not make the best sleeping bed. She moved rooms in the morning and actually got in a shower. The IV team came by and it took them 3 tries to get in a line. They used an ultrasound machine to even search for her veins.
What a ride. Amy was feeling better. Her mom was there to keep her company. I went back to work for a few hours to meet some clients and to talk with the marketing director. Everything seemed like it was going well. Then I got the phone text that the pain was starting again. A little while later I got the call that I should wrap things up and go into the hospital. Then I got the call to hurry, he was going to be delivered tonight. I am frantically driving to the hospital, trying to call people to take care of the dog. I missed the exit, had to get gas. Got on the highway and it was stopped bumper to bumper. Got off, tried a back road that was stopped with construction, went around and went a different way. I got stopped by a train that stopped across the intersection and finally made it to the hospital. Then they said that she was given pain meds and that it would be a little while before the doctor got there. I helped get her shaved and ready for surgery. We then got the call that it was delayed a few hours more because there has to be two doctors and they were finding a second one.
A few hours later, I was dressed in surgical scrubs and fussing with trying to get the foot coverings over my feet. They wheeled her into the surgery room and the gave her a morphine spinal block. The doctor was so happy with hitting it the first time that he was joking with us the whole time Amy was laid out. The doctors came in and she was prepped for surgery. One doctor was giving the nurses a hard time and the other was joking and seemed kind of nervous. They strapped her down, put up the sheet and started to work. In 15 minutes they pulled our boy out kicking and screaming to “The neon lights are bright on Broadway, there is magic in the air.” The NICU doctors where there to measure, weight, test and whisk off to the baby patch. He weighed in at 3lbs 11oz and was 17 inches long. Not too bad for a 31 week child. The fact that he was screaming and he got a 9.8 on his test scores, was amazing. I got to see him for a short period as he was leaving. He was beautiful and had lots of hair on his head.
In the wee hours of the morning I got to inform the family and friends that Quinn was born. They had him on oxygen, but he seemed to be doing ok. It took a few hours for the feeling in Amy’s legs to come back. We enjoyed listening to Queen and a few workers sing as they were cleaning up the surgery room not knowing we were next store in recovery.
It is taking Amy quite a bit of focus to get over her feelings that this was somehow her fault that he was early. She keeps getting into the, what did I do wrong state of mind and wants me to forgive her. Most of the time I let her have her feelings, but I keep reminding her how happy I am that they are both alive and how well she did to get him this far. She ate right, she took her vitamins, she didn’t exert herself physically. She did everything she could. Her body was just done. That is ok. I am happy, relieved excited.
I have gone and seen him every day. I have watched settings on the oxygen tubes get turned down as he took on more and more air on his own. I have watched him switch from air tubes to a nose plug that most people have, and then yesterday he came off of oxygen completely. He may have a few days in the future where he needs help, but no one expects a premi to be free of tubes. He is starting to get formula from a feeding tube and not just IV fluid. He is doing wonderfully. By the time he comes home he should be just fine. His heart ultrasound went fine and today he gets a brain scan.
It was amazing the other day when I got to hold him for the first time. He was wrapped up and handed to me. He was so light. He looked at me for a moment and then when I held him in my arms he just went to sleep feeling safe and secure. It was a wonderful feeling. Mom got to hold him for the first time yesterday and he fell asleep right away in her arms. He loves to be held.
I am in awe at the pure perfection in a new born. It doesn’t matter if they are premature or have gone to full term. They are empty of everything but instinct and love. At times they can have the blankness written in their faces and at other times show the whole world that they are disturbed.
Purity in the simplest form,
The world is nothing to them,
They find comfort in the firm touch,
Hold me and protect me.
No shapes in the still forming eyes,
Sound, taste, smell, sensitive to the delicate touch,
Fullness shows in the overwhelming spirit deep inside.
What wonders are coming next?
One moment in the line of a rolling stone building momentum
Who is hardly aware of the hills and only seeing the blade of grass directly in their path.
That struggle to get started will be gone before we know it.
We begin so quickly yet it is so difficult.
Breathing is the focus now,
Then we need food and drink,
Soon the struggles become natural and we forget the beginnings.
Unknowing what could be, what is, what will be.
As I feel up to it I will expand the story and explain the daily struggles to a new family. Right now I wait for a moment to visit and experience life in one moment increments.