I sit back this morning

Thinking of places that I’ve been

Remembering the struggles at times

The cravings that would never end

Then I remember you

How you touched my heart

Guiding me along the way

Just by being who you are

Depression, anxiety, the urge to go back

Missing a piece of me

Learning from the mistakes

Finding where I’m at

Taking life day by day

Living just to be

I can’t go back to where I’ve been

I have come way too far

One step at a time

No matter what

Today I’m alive and doing well

Right now I am doing fine

Today marks 47 months smoke free. At almost 4 years it is a new world that I look at. You don’t think about all that much, the times I do it is the constant and habit I miss not the smoke, smell and taste. I go into the Casinos when people visit and they reek of smoke. I come home and my cloths and hair smell. I just bought a new car and it is nice knowing that no one has smoked in it.

I found out that I have 3 months to make a lifestyle change or I will be diagnosed with diabetes. I am in the pre-stages. It runs in my family, so I have to fight now before I am too late. It will be hard, but I will do it. I will treat it like my smoking quit and take it one day at a time and make the choices I need to make in order to see the outcome the way I want it to be.

Blessings to you all.

……….

On the quitnet forum someone asked about spirit and religion, I was feeling odd this morning, so I wrote......

The spirit is for you, religion is for the masses. Finding your center and balance can be a difficult one, but very do-able.

find some wonderful poems

take a slow walk

look around at the world through different eyes

you may find your not so far off

the birds sing a tune

what do they say

the wind blow across the land

have you felt it on your face

discovering a world full of life

you are on your way

can you quantify your feelings

when you see a child at play

when a dog gives you unconditional love

just for not going away

experience and explore

discover the you in all

finding pleasure in a small kiss

or walking through a store

where are you

what do you want

how are you today

check in with your spirit now

look at life in a brand new way

sorry, that just kind of came out. I am celebrating 47 months today and so far everything feels like a musical....lol.

But seriously, go sit in on a meditation, or go explore one of the hidden communities that are in your city. There are more beliefs out there than you think. Talk with them and have fun exploring.

Blessings in harmony,

Peter

Head Case

When will my heart break free,
Opening the way,
Following the Path to be.
My head is so full,
It weighs my mind,
Messing with the balance,
I'm looking to find.
Open my mouth,
The words don't come out,
Frustrating me more,
So that I want to shout.
Sitting in silence,
calming me down,
Heart centered focus,
Is where I am found.

I don't know why I don't have a voice, or anything to say. I just sit in distraction and don't feel inclined to fill the silence. I know it is tough to be around me when I get like this, but I don't know how to fix it. Is it lack of energy, what would help? Sometimes I do feel lost.

Who

Who is in the Toteg Tribe and what do they mean to me? Currently there are nine members to the Tribal council. I consider Traveler, Q, Aisling to be Aunt/Mother like to me. Stuart is not unlike an Uncle. JJ, Nahani, and Jaelle are like big sisters to me. I feel like I am the youngest of this close family. We have all known each other for several years online and were all family before Joe died. I would open my house to any of them. There are a couple dozen other Toteg members online and there are many of them that I feel I know fairly well. We are all a family. We have the same basic principles of life. We believe in our Tenets with cultural respect and integrity. Many of these people are married or have partners that have different beliefs, but that is the same with most families. It is hard to explain the connection that we all have. Some of us have big lumps on our heads from speaking without thinking, or trying to make something out of nothing. We help each other and walk together. We understand paths and differences that make us unique and wish for nothing but the best with heart filled love and sacredness.

We are Toteg Tribe.

Don’t look beyond my words,

Don’t read into my actions,

Know my heart,

Know my love,

Take comfort there.

Find peace and walk with me.

Don’t judge out of fear,

Inner strength, below and above,

Center your heart,

Calm your reaction,

Listen to what you heard,

Believe in you, us, and me.

Together we are complete.