Two Weeks

It is hard to believe that it has been two weeks since my surgery. I am feel better every day. The first week was hard, the next week had its ups and downs, but in this third week I feel like it will get better soon. Prolonged sitting still bothers me, but I just force myself to get up and stretch. I think after another two weeks I can start to rebuild my back muscles and then I can get out and be active again. I can't wait, I miss everyone.

We had a Thanksgiving lunch out at one of the resort hotels where my wife was working a program. We spent an enjoyable lunch together then she had to work so I went home and relaxed. I called the family back in KC and they were doing pretty well. My dad left on Friday morning to come visit and drove here in two days. When he got here Saturday night we were floored. He said that he was tired, but once he hit Kingman in the early afternoon he decided that he wasn't going to stop and just drive through. He will be here all week. If I hadn't had surgery, I would have taken some vacation time to spend with him, but I can't so I hope he keeps busy and doesn't regret coming.

He seems to like the house and likes where we live. We shall see what he plans to do all week while we work.

Watching the rain come in,
I see the thirst and hunger deep,
The sounds of inner melody,
Break free and open wide.
Silence fills the stillness,
Holding tight to the comfort,
Reaching for another dream,
In a long and sleepless night.

Back at work

Well my vacation is over. Taking a vacation to have surgery is not a very fun way to spend the time, but so far it seems worth it. The pain in my legs is almost all gone and the pain in my back seems only to be surgery related and not the pain of a bad back. I got my stitches out on Monday and got a further explanation as to how the procedure went. The doctor said that the original bulge that was shown on my MRI back in April had grown. They used the laser to cut away a channel so that there was room for the buldge to retract away from the nerve. They dye tested the disk above it where the small tear was shown on the MRI and found that the disk had gone from tear to a rupture. The dye was leaking and swirling around, so they used the probes to seal things up.

I am having the hardest time with sitting. After a while the pain around where they cut into me gets more and more intense as the day goes on. I just need to heal the wounds from surgery and I will be pretty much healed up. Then I can get back to having a life. I am glad that I only have to work the rest of the day so I can have more time to heal without sitting. It looks positive that I had a successful surgery, only time will tell.

When I close my eyes and see,
All the beauty deep inside,
Of that old familiar face,
That struggles to be free.
Each moment that I waste,
Trying to decide,
Changes possibilities,
For things I have never tried.
Reach out and take the hand,
Of the soul within your grasp,
Walk along in harmony,
Discover wisdom and smile wide.
Love and awareness,
Has become my fine new key,
Connecting them in my ecstasy,
Researching within my dreams.
Soaring for the skies,
Grounding pretty deep,
Growing close to my mother now,
Without her I never would be.
Feel the weight and the solid step,
From the bond of a new found friend,
Listening to the movement,
We share a place again.
See the paths of our creation,
Hear the growth of the trees,
Open your heart to all the love,
Will it, so will it be.

Been awhile

I have not felt like writing anything for a while. That is bad for me. I should be writing all the time. I have just been too wiped to do anything that would be normal. I am excited about my surgery on Monday. I have a little bit of nerves, but that is normal for anyone who is going to the doctor to get cut open. I really want this pain to recede. It clouds my mind and consumes me. I have only given myself over to it a few times, most of the time I fight it and push it away. Who wants to hurt all the time. But when you push it away and don't except it, it comes back with a vengeance and it really messes with you.

Happiness is fleeting and I only seem to get moments of it. I cherish them and miss them when they are gone. Finding contentment in my situations is still a chore. I want it to be better and I can make it so. I will be coming off my narcotics next week as I recover from surgery. My hope is that clarity will appear with the reduction of pain and the fog that is medication with clear.

Who am I but someone who wishes to enjoy the ride,
To see a purpose at the end of my moments,
To know that I am doing what I should be doing to get what I want in life.
But what do I want?
What glitters at the end of the road that I am on?
What drives and consumes my needs so that I can loose my regrets and live on the passion?
Where does the rose smell sweet?
It is right at the tip of my nose, or will I be disappointed and only see the beauty from afar.
The romance and desire that flows below the surface will come into being.
I will fly for a while and then rest my head.